Tuesday, 31 December 2013

The Last Day of 2013!

Tomorrow will be next year.

A year full of exciting adventures and new experiences in Life.

Here's a short poem from me to all of you:

Two thousand and fourteen,
I'm no longer in my teens,
But it'll be new year with a brand new butt,
Ain't no longer gonna be stuck in the rut.

Two thousand and fourteen,
With strength renewed like Wolverine,
A new year with excellent health.
And certainly no less in wealth.

Two thousand and fourteen,
Bye, bye, bye to anti-histamines,
There'll be loads of new foods to explore,
I'm going to be as strong as mighty Thor.

Two thousand and fourteen,
I'm going to be a lean, mean machine,
With the day after yesterday closing in,
This is me wishing you a wonderful 2014!

Sunday, 29 December 2013

The Top 5 'Butt-di-cu-lous' Things That People Do After A Hemorrhoidectomy

Back then whenever I managed to catch David Letterman's show, I would always wait for his Top Ten list. Some of them were really hilarious.

Hence after reading tons of forums on how to survive a hemorrhoidectomy, here are my Top 5 Ridiculous 'Butt-di-cu-lous' Things That People Do After A Hemorrhoidectomy:

5. Heading To A Burger Joint Immediately After Discharge

Reason? They felt 'fine'! And then the 'fine' became 'not fine' and they moan and groan about the hell that they went through. DUH!

4. Lifting Weights At The Gym

Even though they are still in pain! And then they complain that the bleeding had started all over again and that they were so much in pain the next day that they couldn't walk! Are they that desperate to be Arnold-I'll-Be-Back wannabe or what? DUH!

3. Having SEX

Yes. SEX. In like 7 days after surgery. Are you guys rabbits or what?! Sorry, all I could think of or feel or breathe was pain. Definitely not even on my list of things to do before I die during those times of pain.

And then they said the dull pain returned. DUH!

2. The Toilet Paper Issue

I don't understand to how could anyone attempt to wipe a wound with toilet paper after a bowel movement. Seriously, are you for real?! Why don't you use sandpaper instead? Or even better, the kitchen gauze. Or the cactus. You have had surgery and stitches and bleeding and swelling and you wipe it with toilet paper...

And then you scream and moan and almost passed out from the pain. DUH!

1. Holding Off Bowel Movements for 10 Days!

I can't even hold it for 10 seconds after the operation. These people must be awarded with the World Guiness Book of Records! Hats off to these people!!!

Saturday, 28 December 2013

A Butt-i-li-cious Birthday!

What a day to spend a buttday birthday!

1/2 the day in bed, bathroom and bathroom!

I found this on the internet and thought that it was so apt for me!

So here it is:

'Even though it may take weeks,
To heal the wound between between your cheeks,
I provide this rule of thumb,
To nurse your recuperating bum.

Though it has been said, it bears repeating;
Nothing but canned soup for eating.
Vegetable and chicken noodle,
To soothe your battered, aching poodle.
Fruit will get your bowels a-grooving,
Before you know it, you'll be up and a-moving.

Rest your arse and you'll get better,
Knit yourself a Christmas sweater.
Or yet better, get some sleep,
Your nether regions have been probed deep.

Exercise is out of the question!
Beware of any such suggestions.
No unicycles, horseback riding,
Leapfrog, bowling or ninja fighting.

Heed my advice and don't be foolish,
The results may be so very ghoulish.
Another hemorrhoid may astonish,
And your doctor shall certainly admonish.

To avoid a thrombose so abrupt,
Keep your cool and bottoms up!!!'
*taken from here

Happy buttday birthday to me!

Friday, 27 December 2013

4 Weeks!

4 weeks ago I had my ass cut. Has it really been 4 weeks? Time really just flew by.

Pain is still a constant companion. Bladder control has improved but still is weak. Holding my urine is still a problem. Without the barley, my bladder would be in deeper shit. Barley somehow soothes the spasms and makes it not painful to urinate.

Bowel movements are stressful as the pain is very much alive. And it has become twice a day. And sometimes it's thrice a day! Which will be a problem in the near future as I have to be on the road at the time of the second and third bowel movement. Am in a dilemma to how to regulate the bowel movements to pre-surgery times which is once a day!

The gastric came back in full force. I have recanted my stand of not having porridge in a long time! The porridge soothed the stomach and the gastric became better though not totally eradicated.

Sleeping is still a problem. It's either 'I'm-so-tired-that-I-just-zonk-out-at-10pm-and-wake-up-at-2am-wide-awake' or 'I can't sleep until 4am'. I have not had a good night's rest since the surgery. And then there are the nightmares which scare the shit out of me. Nightmares such as where my stitches just burst. Or where the surgeon discovers that he has not completed the surgery and proceeds to shove a plastic pipe up my ass and cuts up more anus and rectum. (I jumped up in fright from that nightmare.)

I think my body is under such stress that my hormones are pretty screwed at the moment. I have been staining and then period for 2 days and then it comes back with staining and then another full flow and then disappears again. And it has been going on since the surgery.

The intensity of the pain has definitely lessened. Or maybe I have been successful in numbing myself!

And that is where I am, at 4 weeks.

Tuesday, 24 December 2013

Merry Christmas 2013!

To all my fellow bloggers, friends and family, I wish you a very Merry Christmas! May your lives be filled with love, peace, joy, health and wealth!

And may my butt be well forever, to warrant to never have another surgery all the days of my life!

Monday, 23 December 2013

Dinner in a Mug!

Dish 1 - Salted Garlic + Butter Rice

Click on LINK for recipe.

Dish 2 - Claypot Potato & Chicken Stew

Click on LINK for recipe.

Dish 3 - Stir Fried Choy Sum with Garlic

Saturday, 21 December 2013

The Journey From A Picturesque View

My two guys sent me this to cheer me up!
The awesome nurses made sure no newspaper went inside the room. I cannot take the ink smell. 
By the time all the urine was drained from my bladder, it reached 1.4L. I am so glad my bladder did not burst.
The very careful dietitian made sure I had safe food to eat. She was the best I've come across.
Steamed fish, fried egg with no oil, ABC chicken soup, choy sum veggie, porridge and banana.
Steamed fish, cabbage, ABC soup, fried egg with no oil and soft rice. Papaya for fruits.
Yup, the catheter which they took out of my bladder! 
The sitz bath - the saviour!

Friday, 20 December 2013

Post-Op Check Up

So today is day 21.

Wow! 3 weeks have passed. Has it really been 3 weeks? It felt like yesterday that my ass got cut. *shudders*

So today was the 3-week post-op check up. I was nervous. *gulp*

So Mr. Surgeon pried opened my cheeks and hubby saw that there are STITCHES in my anus!!!! Oh god! And then Mr. Surgeon said 'GOOD!' I guess I'm healing nicely.

Mr. Surgeon said that it will take another month or so to fully recover. Mr. Surgeon has left it to me to decide when I would feel comfortable enough to drive and to stop the laxative.

There is still some swelling. And it would be normal to bleed here and there. Pain while passing motion is still unavoidable/inevitable. And sometimes I can feel the wound swelling up during the day.

But I thank god that the worst of the worst of pains is behind me.

I have begun to cook this week. But by the time I am done, I am exhausted. I would then take my bath and just lie down in bed. I have to slowly build myself up and go back to my routine. If not, come January when school starts, I will definitely be unfit and might even fall sick. Thus, it is necessary for me to push myself bit by bit to get back to my normal routine. Of course I feel like just lying in bed all day. But then, by not moving, my healing would be hampered.

I am currently petrified of porridge. 18 days of porridge day and night has scared the living daylights out of my stomach. I thank god for my mom and dad who boiled the porridge for me when I was incapacitated being in severe pain. The nutritious porridge with chicken and veggies helped me during my darkest times. So thank you to mum and dad! But I don't think I'll eat porridge in a LOOOOOOONG while now! Haha!

So I'm due to see Mr. Surgeon in one month's time.

I can't wait to be normal, up and about again.

I'm currently wobbling like a penguin and sit like the leaning tower of Pisa.

What a way to end 2013....

Monday, 16 December 2013

ER Again!

The moment I woke up this morning, I knew I had an UTI. The pain in the bladder was back and it hurt whenever I pee. And my back hurt in a funny way (and that only happens when I have an UTI). And I was running to the toilet constantly. Every 20 minutes!!! It reminded me of the time after I had given birth to Joel. I've never had UTI before I gave birth to Joel. You see, I was in labour for 17 1/2 hours. And I was bleeding and had high blood pressure. So they had to catheterise me as my bladder was so full. After that I had urine infections every month for 1 whole year. Did the tests, scans and X-rays and they couldn't figure out why. It was the catheter.

And so this round when they catheterised me for 2 days, I knew that somewhere along the line that I would get an UTI.

And this morning, it manifested itself.

My dad took me to the ER. Took urine sample and sent it to the lab. And yes, it had bacteria and blood and white blood cells are raised.

Infection indeed...

I am currently on Augmentine for one week.


Sunday, 15 December 2013

The Antidote to Pain

... Is laughter!

But how can I laugh with my ass being in pain?

Hold my ass and laugh!

I shall hold my ass and laugh silently!

Thursday, 12 December 2013

Shit Happens! (Another ER Trip)

It is really unbecoming to be heading to the ER so many times.

The rectum spasms got so bad that it felt like I was having the bladder spasms. I spent the whole morning until noon in the toilet trying not to pass out from the spasms as I sat on the toilet bowl. I knew that I had fecal impaction. The bowel movements were so strong and small tiny pieces were only slowly 'seeping' out. I could feel the severity of the blockage in my anus.

Hubby rushed home at noon and took me to the ER. By then I was already in severe pain to the point that  I was delirious and my mind was a mess. I wanted to die from the pain. If I had a gun, I think I would have shot myself. 2 weeks of continuos pain. And two trips to the ER as a result of the pain. Even Iron Man would have died from the pain.

So they shoved an enema up my ass. And then I screamed in pain. I could feel the rawness of my wounds! My ass which had not bled for 3 days now was now on fire! I screamed and moaned and cried in pain. I think I screamed the whole hospital down. The nurse told me to hold the enema in for awhile so that the hardened stools could absorb the liquid and thus be expelled. My intestines churned and the pain in my ass combined together became a lethal combination. It was like a bomb which was going to blow my guts out. Finally, it had to come out.

Hubby helped me and we both sort of ran in a hobbled manner to the toilet. And when the stools came out, I screamed and cried aloud in the toilet. Even the nurse came running to the toilet, asking whether it was out or not. And the big one that was blocking the whole of my entrails came out!!! And then the rest all came out. And I bled again (after 3 days of not doing so). But I guess bleeding is better than fecal impaction.

The doctor said that if the enema did not work, he would have to do manual dislodgement. Which meant using his fingers to break up the stools in my ass. And then enema AGAIN! Oh dear god. More pain. Enema is good. Real good.

I asked the ER doctor to why it had happened. He told me that I have to go to the toilet MORE OFTEN!


More often?

Shall I make my bed on the toilet bowl?

Shall I sleep by the toilet bowl?


Hell! I'm already in the toilet 1/2 of the day!! Shall I stay in the toilet 27 hours a day then??

Oh God.

More often.

I'm drinking water to the point I want to vomit. I eat papayas everyday. Eating vegetables. Going to the toilet SO BLOODY OFTEN. Still on the soft diet. Eating the laxatives. Stopped the painkillers.

What else am I not doing right??!!!

Shit happens.

MORE OFTEN than not.

Wednesday, 11 December 2013

A Slave To The Bowels

It's been 11 days since the surgery and my life is far from 'normal'.

1/2 of the days are spent in the toilet. The bowel movements never seem to end. And there is no control over it. Because of the swelling, it is quite hard to differentiate between poop and pressure.

And the poop are so small that even rabbit poop has much more volume. And it takes more than 1 hour to clear the bowels. And that does not leave you satisfied. There is always the feeling that there is still something on the insides.

The battle of the poop leaves one exhausted and petrified of the toilet bowl. And the pain... I think anal surgery is the worst surgery to ever have. Thank god for sitz baths. It makes it easier.

I don't know when this nightmare is going to end. I hope it is soon. I could not sleep a wink for the past two nights because of the pain and swelling. I have now shifted the painkiller to the night.

I can now pass motion in the morning with no painkillers. Bleeding has stopped too. I'm just waiting for my bowel movements to regulate again. I'm waiting to be 'normal' and pain-free. I'm waiting to be diaper-free. I'm waiting to be leakage-free. I'm waiting for the swelling to be gone. I'm waiting to be laxative and pain-killer free.

On the other hand, I'm so grateful that I can take this pain killer. I think I would have thrown in the towel if I couldn't as the pain is just too great. There is no way I can go through this without a painkiller.

Because of this surgery, I've learnt a few new terms from other fellow sufferers. They are:

1. Bowel movements in instalments  = You can never finish your business in one go. Whether you like it or not, it takes a few go.

2. Butt spasm = The point where your butt suddenly spasms and causes you sharp pain.

3. Rectum spasm = Your rectum suddenly spasms and all you can do is grab your butt cheeks and wait for it to pass. Try not to pass out when it comes. Sometimes it's gas. Sometimes it's bowel movement. Sometimes it's I-don't-know-why-or-what. Whatever it is, go to the toilet immediately.

4. Diaper rash = 'Burning' or 'knife-like' pain as a result of the area of the wound being damp.

5. Bum buddy = Someone who supports you and helps you in this time of terrible difficulty. Thank you MUM! And dad! And hubby!

6. Leakage = I think that word says it all.

7. Sitz bath - A warm shallow bath that cleanses the perineum. You sit your hips into the bath.

8. The standing poop = It's amazing that one can now stand and poop. Maybe the freak-show programme would incorporate the 'standing poop' routine as their latest act...

I like what one fellow sufferer wrote, 'If you are an atheist or agnostic, prepare to reconsider. If you believe in God, make sure your account is up to date and in good order. However, not even God has the resources to help.'

I can't wait to be the master of the bowels once again.

Survival Guide

Saturday, 7 December 2013

So Full Of Shit!

Before I left the hospital for good (the 2nd time round), the doctor (the surgeon who operated on me) told me that there would be swelling, bleeding and pain up till the 2nd week or slightly more. He told me to never stop the laxative. He was worried about me not being able to take NSAIDs as there would definitely be swelling. He even gave me extra painkillers.

It has been a week since I had the surgery. At first it was ok. And then it felt like I took 100 steps backwards. It has been extremely rough. And the pain! No words can describe the intensity of the pain. For me, the pain only comes when I have bowel movements.

And boy, was the surgeon right. I needed those painkillers.

I had my surgery on Friday. Had my first post-op bowel movement the next day. It was all watery and no pain. The meds definitely were still in my system.

Before I had my surgery, I shit everyday, first thing in the morning. I have good bowel movements everyday. After the surgery, it became a two-day thing.

The second bowel movement was after my re-admittance into the hospital. That was explosive and watery. And the pain was minimal.

And then the third bowel movement was @#*@#!

The stools were beginning to take shape. They were soft but felt as though I was shitting out submarines. It took me the whole day of trying to get them out as the pain was so horrendous. Each time they were about to come out, I would shoot up and stand up as the pain was tremendously excruciating. Finally at night, they came out. I had to sit slanted like the leaning tower of Pisa in order for them to come out. I grabbed the shower door. Clenched my fist until my palms had indentation marks from my nails. I grabbed the toilet seat until my hands spasmed. Once everything was out, I immediately washed up and sat in the sitz bath. That helped and soothed a lot. Took my bath and collapsed in bed. There was some mild bleeding. But it stopped soon after.

And then the bowel movements became closer.

The next bowel movement was 1 1/2 days apart.

I almost didn't survived the fourth bowel movement. It felt like shitting out shards of glass. Very little came out and I knew there were still a lot of poop inside as they were pressing against my wound. It felt as though a knife was stabbing my wound.

I tried my best to let everything out but the pain won. Even the  leaning tower of Pisa position couldn't work. And then I started to bleed. Blood was trickling down, dripping everywhere. I soaked in the sitz bath and then showered. Cried in pain and asked my mom to give me a painkiller. I was even farting out blood. But then it stopped and dried up. But I could feel the stool cutting my wound...

Today, I told myself, by hook or by crook, everything had to come out. The stool cutting my wound was getting worse. It came to a point that I bled each time I farted.

I ate my porridge. Took the laxative. And waited.

The moment the bowel movement was almost at its peak, I swallowed a painkiller. Then I got my sitz
bath ready. And once the painkiller kicked in, I sat and shat. It came out like a bullet. And more came out. And my bowel movements could not stop. I had so much stool stuck inside. And then it reached a point that the pain overshot the painkiller's threshold. I was shaking and in such pain until I almost passed out. I had to alternate between the sitz bath and hugging the bathroom wall and standing while bending over with my head on the bathroom wall. Anything I could get my hands on, I will squeeze the hell out of it.  (My surgeon was right! I cannot survive this ordeal without a painkiller.)

I called my mom and asked her to give me another tablet of painkiller. The bowel movements could not stop. I wasn't purging. The stools were soft. But days of not completely emptying my bowels had caused a backlog. And everything was finally coming out.

Of course I bled. But it wasn't as bad as yesterday. Shitting in the sitz bath helped tremendously. After 1 1/2 hours of waves of bowel movements, my bowels were finally empty. It was cleared. Such relief. The stabbing pain on my wound was gone. And I wasn't bleeding anymore. I was so relieved. It felt as though I had experienced a bowel orgasm. Of course I was sore after the ordeal. But it went away after a few hours.

I do hope things will only get better from here. I searched online and learned from people who have gone through the same path to take the painkiller at the right time just before the bowel movement. That will help. IF I had not cleared my bowels today, I would have needed to go to the ER to get an edema. My surgeon said that it takes a month to heal. But from what I read, it takes an average of 6 to 8 weeks. And what I am going through is very normal. (Well, the surgeon did warn me!)

Though my problem wasn't hemorrhoids, the post-surgery process is the same.

You can read more about what people like me go through and how we go through it here:
Hemorrhoid Surgery & Recovery

As of now, my diet is just soft porridge, chicken soup and some very watery oats drink. I drink about 3 to 4L or water a day. I eat my laxatives everyday. I've finished the course of antibiotics. And the painkillers are only for bowel movements. Any other pain, I will bear it.

I'm also wearing adult diapers at the moment. I layer certain parts with the Natracare organic panty shield. I did try wearing the Natracare sanitary pads. But they weren't suitable for this kind of situation. They were too small. At this point I cannot control my bowels. Sometimes a fart can be accompanied by a poop. Or some mucus discharge (which again, the surgeon had warned me). Or some faint bleeding.

When the severe pain came, it triggered the urethral sphincter to spasm. Thus, urinating became a very long process again. It takes me about 1/2 hour to finish one round of pee. And one round of pee is actually peeing everything in the bladder 3 to 4 times. I still cannot pee sitting down unless it is in the sitz bath. 99% of my peeing is done standing with some warm running water flowing down my legs. I wake up at 3am every night to pee. And once I am done peeing, I discovered that I had pooped some small amount while I had farted. And then I had to wash and soak in the sitz bath. By the time I was done and went back to bed, it was 5.30am!! And this has happened twice!

I try to walk and move as much as I can. Movement will cause the wound to heal faster. (Of course not aerobic movements.) I am actually now called the wobbling penguin (given to me by my mum). I cook here and there with help from my parents.

I also apply the Xyloproct ointment on the anus once I am done with the bowel movement (after washing up and soaking in the sitz bath). That helps a lot in soothing the anus.

Hubby was so stressed that he is now having the flu. He has not fallen sick in a VERY long time. And dad is having an eczema outbreak on his legs as he is super stressed too. And mum, well, she feels as though she's had 10 people kick her in her chest.

My neighbour helped us by going to the market for us. And anything that needs to be bought, she'll go get them for us. I really thank God for her.

I am hanging on by just looking at the light at the end of the tunnel. I know it is there though I don't know how long it'll take me to reach there. But that time will come.

Gotta go. It's another round of pee! (Thank God I can pee! Definitely not another round of catheter!)

Tuesday, 3 December 2013

A Totally Unexpected Journey (Part 4)

Due to the condition of the roads surrounding this hospital (which are currently in the process of major construction of the MRT), the journey home was extremely bumpy. Potholes and terrible road conditions due to the extensive construction. Hubby had no choice but to go at 15kmph the most and switch on his hazard lights. We got honked at, glared at, scolded at. But my bum was the utmost priority! 

Once we reached the highway, the journey became smoother. But hubby still had to go at about 50kmph. When I finally reached home, it was sweet relief. 

I had my bath and tried to rest. By then, I was having terrible pain in the bladder. I kept getting up to pee. But it would only come out in small trickles. And when it came out, I would double over in excruciating pain. It felt as though claws were ripping my bladder out. 

As time went by, the urge to pee became closer and closer. And the difficulty in getting it out became worse. Excruciating, spasms in the bladder gripped me so hard whenever a drop of pee came out. I almost blacked out from the pain. I even gripped hubby so hard that I gave him bruises. His back looks as though he was scratched with claws. Indeed, I was Wolverine after all. I couldn't pee even though I wanted to. I tried everything, soaking in warm water, standing, sitting, spraying of water. Nothing worked. Finally after almost passing out, we rushed to the ER at Sunday 4am. 

Apparently I had 1.4L of urine inside me. Really?? I didn't feel that at all. I thought I had 'some' urine inside. I certainly didn't feel that I was going to burst. 

The spinal anesthetic had somehow relaxed my bladder muscles and thus the signal to pee was disrupted. That's why I couldn't feel that my bladder was packed to the brim. Thus, the pain. It was just too full, stretched to its maximum capacity. 

The moment they placed a catheter, 1.4L drained out. And the pain was gone! The doctor gave me 2 choices, to go home with the catheter and come back on Monday or get admitted. There was no way I was going home on the bumpiest of roads and now with a catheter and coming back on Monday. 

Admit me!!!!

I managed to doze of for awhile upon admission.

From Sunday 4am to Monday 4pm, the catheter did the peeing for me. If left any longer inside the bladder, bacteria would begin to breed. And if after they have removed the catheter and I am still unable to pee on my own, a new catheter would be inserted and I would have to stay at the hospital until I am able to pee on my own. No way in hell was I going to get pricked with a catheter again!! NO WAY!!!

So 1 hour after the removal of the catheter, I hobbled to the toilet to pee. It took forever for it to come out. I sat, I stood. I sat. I stood. And I finally realised that I was never going to pee in a sitting position. It had to be like the men. With one hand on the support bar, and one hand holding my phone looking at Joel's cute little face, I willed myself to pee. It was antagonizing. It was like peeing sandpaper out. And the bladder felt so raw and sore. (The doctor said that it would be like this for awhile as I had a catheter inserted into the bladder. Peeing would hurt for awhile. The only remedy would be to drink gazillion tons of water and allow the bladder to heal). And when I finally peed everything out of the bladder on my own, it felt like a bladder orgasm. Such relief and a sense of 'high' feeling. And then I peed every hour. Sometimes less than an hour. Drank more and more and peed more and more. It takes an average of 10 minutes to get everything out. Sometimes a bit longer. The pain is still there and the spasms still come now and then. But I'm peeing on my own! And that was certainly great news. The nurses were so happy at my accomplishment. I felt that I have become a baby again, learning how to control my bladder motions. I cannot hold my pee at the moment. I have to 'go' immediately. 

Pooping is a must too. An laxatives is a must as we certainly don't want the wound to tear!

I was happy that I could be discharged today. But then I developed a fever!

But the doctor said that this is normal due to post-surgery trauma. And the malaise and unwell feeling would continue for a few weeks. 

Thus, I'm heading home later! Wish me luck in my recovery. 

And thank you for all you wonderful words, prayers, emails, messages encouraging and comforting me. Pushing me to move on. Thank you. It is very much appreciated. 

Monday, 2 December 2013

A Totally Unexpected Journey (Part 3)

The nurses at the recovery bay told me to not come down from the bed even though I felt the anesthetic had worn off. My knees could buckle and I could fall. It was only 5 to 6 hours later that I could get up and that with assisted help. 

At about 11pm, the night nurse told me that I had to pee. It was a must that patients had to pee. They would be given 'assistance' if they did not pee!! No way was I gonna get pricked with a catheter. (If only I knew what was coming!)

I tried the bed pan but not a drop came out. Mum and dad held me at each side, and slowly, we slowly hobbled to the toilet. I tried to pee while sitting on the toilet bowl and nothing came out. So I stood trying to pee. Wrong move. After managing two very weak trickles out, I felt myself blacking out. I felt myself getting light headed and Mum saw that my lips was as white as a ghost and that I was about to pass out any moment. They somehow managed to get me back to bed and I just lied down curled up in some fetal position trying to stay conscious. Thank God I did not pass out. 

So the spinal anesthetic lasted until about 11+pm.

Then came the PAIN!

My anus felt as though it had a lighter burning it continuously. And the intensity of the fire grew stronger and stronger. It went on the whole night. I was afraid to ask for a painkiller as anything might have happened during the night and I was afraid that no one would know. I saw the clock ticking ever so slowly. 1.10am1.13am1.15am.

 'Oh God!!!! The PAIN!!!!!!!!!!'

The doctors had instructed that I be given a 50mg Tramadol painkiller if the pain was too excruciating. It is a distant cousin of Betadine which I am supposed to be able to take. Almost 5 years of pain-killer free. I really did not know whether I would react or not. 

I was gripping the railing so hard I think if I was Wolvwrine or the Hulk, I would have twisted the whole railing out. I was literally paralysed in searing pain. The surgeon was right that the pain would be excruciating and that a painkiller is definitely needed. I felt that iron claws were ripping my anus out. 

Finally at 6am, exhausted and definitely thoroughly bested by the pain, I begged the nurse to give me a tablet of Tramadol and put me under observation. I couldn't go on. I was so weak from the pain. Every single movement felt like an avalanche or earthquake-magnitude of pain. All I was feeling, tasting or even smelling was PAIN. Nothing but pain. 

The relief came and I was so grateful for the relief. I have forgotten what it's like to have a pain-killer. I managed to doze off for about an hour before the painkiller wore off. They dare not give me any stronger dosage. And by 8.30am, I was begging them for another dose. I now understand how people can get addicted to painkillers. The pain was just too unbearable. I mean I have given birth without painkillers and the post-op of my appendix was pain-killer free too. I could withstand those pain. But this was certainly some kind of twisted pain! Laughing and jeering at all of its helpless and hapless victims. Or maybe I'm older now. Not as strong as I used to be.

I would have to wait for 10am for the next dose as it needed to be 4hours later. Dear God. And yet somehow, I managed to pee twice in the bowl. 

The surgeon then came by and told the nurses to remove the tubing that was inside my anus which was draining the blood and post-op drainage. And then I had to sit in a sitz bath.

Wh.. What?!!! I have something shoved up my anus???!!! 

I didn't know about that!!!!!!

I knew the hell that was coming next. Imagine pulling out a tubing from a newly surgical wound.

Dear God.

Nothing in life prepared me for that kind of pain.

When she took the tubing out, I cried. I literally cried. From the pain. I was on the verge on passing out from the pain. The nurse was so apologetic and held my hand after that, comforting me. I couldn't move. I think you can see my finger marks on the railing of the bed. I was paralysed with pain. I mean, last night's 6 hours of pain was nothing compared to what had just happened. And then I had to go soak my wound in sea-salt water. 

The nurse was so comforting and nice. She stood next to all the while patting my shoulder while I was soaking my ass in the basin. I was a whimpering mess. Oh God. The Pain!

This happened in the morning. And by late afternoon, the pain lessened considerably. Doctor was pleased that I was peeing and that the pain had lessened. I didn't take the painkiller at 10am. I didn't take any painkillers at all after that. 

Thus, I was discharged!

Hallelujah! Or so I had thought.

If only I had a premonition of the hell that would come.

(To be continued...)

A Totally Unexpected Journey (Part 2)

So after the doors to the operating area closed, I asked for the anesthetist immediately. I needed my Hydrocortisone jab! ASAP!!! 

Mr. Anesthetist was such a nice, gentle man. You can see that he is an experienced and seasoned man where his job is concerned. 

As I had written in my previous blog, I have had such a bad experience during my last surgery. Thus, Mr. Anesthetist and Mr. Surgeon decided to not operate on me via the general anesthetic (GA) method. Because by operating with general anesthetic,  they would have to give me another 5 to 6 concoction of medications (including the happy gas) which is a norm for GA. And that mixture of concoction could trigger an anaphylaxis in me. 

I asked Mr. Anesthetist point blank, 'I'm sure as an anesthetist you have come across people like me who are allergic to various painkillers and NSAIDs and who are super sensitive.  How did you handle their cases?'

Mr. Anesthetist said that if they could operate via local anesthetic, then they would. But if they couldn't, they would have to think of another safer solution.

Usually the surgery that they were to perform on me is done via GA. They would do it via local anesthetic for me. Via a spinal anesthetic. And with a local anesthetic, only 2 concoctions would be used. And that would lessen the risk. So while operating, they would not need a painkiller. It is something like the epidural. But not the full force of an epidural. 

It took him awhile to find a vein in me as I have tiny veins. (And it was so freaking cold too!) Which is a normal situation as when I had my colonoscopy, even my feet got pricked to look for a vein. Finally he found one and it was at the wrist! The most awkward and painful position. I couldn't wait for the procedure to be over. So Mr. Anesthetist pricked both of my wrist and injected a small amount of the local anesthetic to 'test' if I would react to it BEFORE they gave me the hydrocortisone. If I had reacted, then I guess the operation would be off. And we waited and waited. And waited. And I was fine. He then pumped me up with the hydrocortisone and off I went into the operating theatre. 

The operating theatre looked so clean and fresh and BRIGHT! And there was some soft music playing at the background. The were about 5 to 6 people inside the operating theatre (OT) and they kept on assuring me that they would take very good care of me. 

First they had me sit up and lean over with my legs dangling over the operating bed. And then I had to prop both legs on a chair. And then I had to lean over while hugging a pillow and a nurse hugged me from the front. And I had to make sure my chin was about touching my chest so that the needle would enter easily into my spine. Once Mr. Anesthetist found the position to insert the needle, I felt this long needle enter my spine. And then followed by a warm fluid entering. And they set a 4 minute timer. And it made me warm and tingly and I started to loose all sensations in the lower parts of my body within 4 minutes. 

And then I was laid on my back on the operating table like a turkey ready to be stuffed for thanksgiving. My legs were splayed open with my knees pushed up to almost my ears. And then they locked both legs into some contraption and told me to hold onto one of its handles. They then gave me a blower to keep me warm.

The surgeon came in and asked me whether I could 'feel' anything. I could vaguely feel that 'something' was happening down there but that was about it. And then the surgery started. Mr. Surgeon then made some jokes and everybody bellowed into laughter. 

Mr. Anesthetist kept on checking on my drip, monitoring my heart rate and BP and made sure I was ok and told me that I was doing fine. He informed me that I would soon smell some 'burning' smell (I was being barbecued! Haha!) and hear some crackling and laser sounds. I don't remember how much time had passed but then it was over! 

They then cleaned me up and I was wheeled into the recovery bay. It was then that I started shivering violently. I thought I was coming down with an attack. It was actually the side effect of the spinal anesthetic. They kept me at the bay for an hour and kept on checking on me. I was shaking so violently. Finally it subsided after an hour. And then they wheeled me back to my room. 

You should have seen how relieved my parents were. They were so afraid of me not returning alive from the OT. I never want to put them in this position ever again. 

The team that handled me was really superb. So professional. And yet so caring. I truly wish them the best in their careers of saving people's lives and making the lives of the sick better! Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Sunday, 1 December 2013

A Totally Unexpected Journey (Part 1)

I am currently flat on my back in the hospital fighting the pain. I felt so down and alone just now. I felt that I was starting to sink in a mire of depression. I felt a chasm of emptiness started to grip my heart. I stopped myself and told myself, 'Evelyn, you are not going there. You will fight this and you will win this. You went through the surgery and came out alive and you will go through this phase and come out even more alive!' And so I started writing. On my smartphone! To keep my sanity. To let out all my fears and frustrations and depression. To keep me alive in my mind.

This is my second round of staying in the hospital since being discharged on Saturday late afternoon. Hubby had to rush me to the ER at 4am last night as my bladder had failed to function after the surgery. More on that later.

Last Sunday was the day that caused a series of chain events which snowballed into a very challenging and frightening time of my life. 

Somehow on Sunday, my usual pooping session had caused a ruptured blood vessel in my anus. And it became a blood clot. Which led to the inner part of the anus being protruded out on the outer part of the anus. I had thought it was piles as I have had piles ever since when Joel was 4 months in my womb almost 9 years ago. I have been living with piles for a long time now. 

But on Monday morning, the pain in my anus was so bad that I was actually glad that Joel was sick and unable to go to school as I had no idea to how I was going to drive. Even my movements were restricted. The stabbing pain was so intense that I felt feverish from the pain. So thinking that it was piles, I tried pushing the bulbous blob back in.

Hey, it worked! For a second. And then the pain came crashing back. In waves multiplied by ten.

I needed a professional doctor. Someone who knew what he was doing and to how to handle me with my medical condition (as I had such a strong prompting in my heart that I definitely required surgery).

I messaged my ENT and he told me to see a colorectal surgeon and to see his colleague. 

Friday. I made the appointment to see him on Friday. And I fasted in preparation.

He took just one look at my butt and straightaway told me that I needed immediate surgery. There was no way around it as it was already the 5th day and no, the pain and swelling did not subside. What I had been suffering from was called 'Perianal Thrombosis.'

My mind was in chaos. The surgeon was worried as I was a high risk patient. The procedure is so minor and simple. But because of my condition, the simple procedure became complicated. The surgeon too said that he needed another doctor to look after me as he is totally not trained to look after people like me. He isn't capable of looking after me as he will not know of what is best for me in the event I go into an anaphylaxis attack. Thus, my ENT (who specializes in allergy) who had been seeing me since my anaphylaxis came into the picture too. 

I needed painkillers. That is certain.
But how??? I definitely needed to be operated on. But how??? 

Hubby contacted Dr. Yadav and Dr. Yadav said to pre-treat me with Hydrocortisone and an anti-histamine.

And then came the surgery. Usually it is done with general anesthetic. The last time I had general anesthetic for my emergency appendectomy in 2007, I almost died. The surgeon gave me a painkiller and told me that a little but would be fine even though we told him that I was allergic to painkillers. I woke up from the GA, gasping for breath like an asthmatic (even though I  do not have asthma. 
I felt like I was having a heart attack. The monitoring machine was beeping like crazy.) And Miss Anesthetist was adamant that I was having nightmares and a side-effect from the GA and couldn't wait to get me out of the recovering bay.

That was one hell of a memory of general anesthetic. I wondered whether I would make it this time round. And no, I never went back to that hospital. And that was the same hospital which told me to have a sit and wait for my turn when I went to the ER and told them that I was having an allergy attack. We NEVER went back, ever again. This hospital that I am at, is a different hospital for which I am grateful.

So Friday, at 4pm, they wheeled me into the operating bay and I didn't know how things would go. As they wheeled me in, my last contact was my mother's ashen face. Dad had gone back to bring some stuff for me. And hubby had to pick Joel up from school and take care of him.  She looked so afraid and fearful that I was worried that she would collapsed on the spot from the stress. And she only had her thyroid removed 2 weeks ago!!! What a terrific time for all of these to happen. I found out later that she broke down and cried while I was in the operating theatre. 

(To be continued...)